By Arusyak Abrahamyan, Family Law Attorney | Bay Area Law Group
Let me tell you something that surprises most people when they hear it from me: if I were getting married, I would absolutely sign a prenuptial agreement. No hesitation. No drama. I’d walk into that conversation the same way I walk into any important negotiation — prepared, clear-eyed, and with my interests on the table.
I’ve spent years in family law. I’ve sat across from people at the best and worst moments of their relationships. I’ve watched marriages begin with the most genuine love and end in courtrooms where the only thing left to decide is who gets what. And what I know — what I’ve seen over and over again — is this: the couples who had a well-written prenup always had a smoother road, even when everything fell apart.
So let me explain why.
A Prenup Isn’t a Plan to Fail. It’s a Plan to Protect.
And that, actually, is one of the most loving things two people can do for each other. Think of it this way: you wouldn’t want someone you love to die in pain and agony — you’d want a peaceful, dignified end. Marriages are no different. If the outcome isn’t happily ever after, it should at least be peaceful and as loving as possible. A prenup can accomplish that.
First, Let’s Dispel the Biggest Myth
The most common misconception I hear from clients is that wanting a prenup means you’re expecting the marriage to fail. I understand why people feel that way. Culturally, we’ve been taught that love is unconditional — and anything that introduces a “what if” can feel like a betrayal of that idea.
But here’s the reality: you carry car insurance not because you plan to crash, but because life is unpredictable. You buy travel insurance not because you’re planning to get sick, but because things happen. You write a will or create a living trust not because you’re planning to die tomorrow, but because you love your family and want to protect them. A prenuptial agreement works the same way. It’s not pessimism. It’s preparation — and it’s an act of love for your future spouse and your marriage.
What I’ve Actually Seen in Divorce Court
When a marriage ends without a prenuptial agreement in California, the law decides everything. And while California’s community property framework is designed to be fair, it doesn’t always reflect what the two of you would have actually chosen for yourselves. It’s worth noting that couples can still settle differently than what the law prescribes — but in my experience, people who are hurt, disillusioned, or angry rarely deviate from the default rules. At that point, the law feels like the only fair option, even when it isn’t.
- I’ve seen clients lose significant shares of businesses they built before they ever met their spouse — because marital funds got commingled along the way and fighting to recover separate property became too expensive or too complicated to pursue.
- I’ve seen inheritances become contested because an ex-spouse had a close relationship with the deceased and could produce emails referring to them as a unit. The person who left the inheritance never imagined divorce; they saw the couple as one.
- I’ve seen spouses blindsided by debt they didn’t even know existed.
- I’ve seen years of litigation over assets that could have been resolved in a single afternoon conversation before the wedding.
Divorce rarely comes with love or generosity. Negotiating clarity while two people are still in love is far more effective — and far more humane.
A well-drafted prenup eliminates most of that. It puts the two of you in control — not the court, not your attorneys.
Here’s What I’d Personally Want in Mine
If I were sitting across from myself as a client, here’s what I’d make sure my prenuptial agreement covered:
Separate property stays separate.
Anything I owned, built, or inherited before the marriage would remain mine — not out of distrust, but because that’s what’s fair, and I’d extend the same protection to my partner. People are marrying later in life than ever before. Most come to the altar with assets they’ve built on their own. To me, keeping those separate is simply equitable. You may see it differently, and I’d genuinely love to hear why.
Business interests are clearly defined.
I own my practice and have interests in other companies. I’d want the agreement to spell out exactly how growth and value would be treated during the marriage. My income from personal services would be marital — that’s our life together. But the goodwill built in my law practice before the marriage? That should be proportional to when it was created. Businesses not tied to my personal skill set should remain separate, unless my spouse had meaningful involvement in them.
I’d also define how valuation works — either the method, the process, or both. For example, the method might be that the business is valued at three times the highest of the last three years of income. The process might specify how we’d select an expert if we can’t agree, and who pays for it. Most clients stop at the method, and that’s fine — but any level of specificity can save thousands in legal fees if things unravel.
Spousal support is addressed.
California law allows couples to agree in advance on whether spousal support would be waived or modified. I’d want that conversation to happen when we’re on the same team — not when we’re adversaries. For myself, I’d likely waive it — but if our life plans would affect my earning capacity, that changes things. Decisions like having children, leaving the workforce to care for a family member, or relocating for a spouse’s career are real sacrifices. Love accepts those sacrifices willingly. Divorce rarely repays them.
Debt stays with whoever brought it in.
Student loans, credit card balances, business liabilities — I’d want clear language that each person owns what they came with. That said, student loans deserve a closer look. If the education funded by that debt is generating income that supports both of your lives, paying it down together may actually make sense. These conversations aren’t always simple, but with an experienced attorney, the solutions usually are.
The Best Prenups I’ve Drafted Weren’t Signed Out of Fear
They were signed by two people who respected each other enough to have a hard conversation. I remember a client who told me: “I want to make sure she’s taken care of if we divorce, because she’s agreeing to leave her career after graduating from Stanford with an MBA.” That’s not fear. That’s love with a plan.
The Conversation Is the Point
One thing I tell every client: the process of negotiating a prenuptial agreement is almost as valuable as the document itself. You’re forced to talk about money, expectations, financial goals, and worst-case scenarios before the wedding day. You’re learning how your partner handles difficult conversations. You’re building honesty into the foundation of your marriage.
Money is deeply personal. For some, it represents self-respect. For others, it’s where they derive their sense of security. For many of us, it’s simply an uncomfortable topic — one that carries a quiet autobiography of how we were raised and what we’ve had to work for. There’s real vulnerability in talking about finances with a partner. And there’s real intimacy in doing it anyway.
I’ve had clients tell me, years into their marriages, that the prenup conversation was one of the most important things they did together — not because they ever needed to use it, but because of what they learned about each other while drafting it.
If You’re Thinking About It, Start Now
California law requires that a prenuptial agreement be signed at least seven days before the wedding — and in practice, you want months, not days. Both parties need independent legal counsel and full financial disclosure. The process takes time, and it should. A rushed prenup is a vulnerable one. I don’t take cases that are too close to the wedding date.
If you’re engaged and this has been on your mind, that instinct is worth following. It doesn’t mean your relationship isn’t solid. It means you’re thoughtful enough to protect it.
I offer consultations for couples throughout the San Francisco Bay Area and California. Reach out — the conversation is always confidential, and it’s always worth having.
